There is something about shoes [or lack thereof] and the Carmelite order. I mean we are called the 'Discalced' Carmelites, which identifies us as shoe-less. Although not exactly walking barefoot, the name given by St. Teresa was intended to denote reform, simplicity and a spirit of material and spiritual poverty and humility.
A few days ago my 14 year old daughter Mirabelle was reminding me of a very humorous shoe story that transpired in a hoity-toity boutique in St. Helena, which is a lovely part of Napa Valley. My kids and I were meandering along the main street in this picturesque town as the sun was setting, with its overpriced wines, restaurants, shops, and accommodations when we stumbled upon one lone clothing boutique that was still open for business. Like most young teenagers, my daughter loves to look at high fashion and shoes, and play a more grown-up version of dress-up. The shop was empty, until a sales associate came out from the back to acknowledge our presence, He looked to be taking care of inventory, and not too terribly happy to be there on this slow evening when all the other shops were closed. We told him we would just have a quick look around. Mirabelle spied a pair of very high and outrageous platform shoes that she just had to try on. These $2,000 pair of shoes were designed with a thick platform in front , with multiple straps and a zipper in back hugging her slim and long feet. I was dismayed, but allowed her to have her fun in these 'crazy' heels. After struggling to keep her balance as she walked around, she decided it was time to take them off.
That is when the real fun began. For not only could Mirabelle not get the shoes off no matter how hard she tried, but neither could my 16 year-old son and I wrestle these ankle boots off of her feet! We had her lie down, sit down, tried various angles, pulled and got an amazing workout while wrestling with this pair of leather shoes. After about 15 minutes and no one in sight from the back of the store, I thought, 'Oh my goodness...I am going to have to pay for these ridiculous shoes and they are going to be stuck on MIra's feet forever!' I saw visions of embarrassing social gatherings with my daughter in these heels dancing in my head! My imagination really took over!
After a while the sales associate noticed our violent struggle with these shoes, and I mentioned that we might need some help. [i.e. surgery?] He told me he would go get the owner of the store. He came out and exclaimed what luck it would be if Mirabelle got to wear this fabulous pair of shoes for the rest of her life. Well, that was certainly one way of looking at it, I thought, while nervously laughing inside... He went over to her, got the zipper in a certain position, and slowly pulled the zipper down the shoe, taking it off of her feet. It was completely effortless. I mean we were sweating from trying to get this seemingly permanent shoe off of Mira's foot, and here he came and voila. It was done in an instant.
I was thinking about how apropos this is in the spiritual life, most especially as regards the long corridors of life that seem filled with spiritual blockades, darkness, aridity, and other problems of our journeys in general. We can struggle and try every conceivable means of removing a particular sin, blockage, or darkness and find that it continues to cling to us seemingly regardless of what we try to do to outwit ourselves, the problem, and/or God. During these times, we are reminded of our littleness and that of our own efforts and power we can do little to change these insurmountable tasks, character defects, and life challenges. It is indeed only by God's grace that we find the strength to overcome issues and problems that may seem to be almost ontological - like it is etched in our beings or our lives. Grace is precisely that,
Sanctifying grace is the gratuitous gift of his life that God makes to us; it is infused by the Holy Spirit into the soul to heal it of sin and to sanctify it. [CCC #2023]Such sanctifying grace can be instantaneous or it can be a slow process over the course of time. It is whatever He wants and intends, and whatever is best for our spiritual progress. Saint Thérèse takes it a step further and tells us that, 'Everything is grace.' Well, indeed. If we are walking on our journey with God and amenable to whatever He sends us, then there is a certain joy and peace that comes from it, no matter how 'stuck' we may be in a particular pattern, sickness, spiritual desert, or family impasse.
I think that the trick is to keep those Carmelite sandals of humility and simplicity on at all times. I find that when I take them off and trade them in for another fancy, sparkling shoe with lots of bling, I tend to get into trouble. I am still trying to wear my Carmelite shoes on a permanent basis, without taking them off. Sometimes I find myself looking for and even trying on the ruby slippers of Dorothy as a short cut to take me 'home' to the place of my disordered desires. In my heart, I know that the only permanent home each of us has is our eternal home in heaven with The Holy Trinity, and the communion of angels and saints. May I find myself empty-handed, and discalced before Our Lord on the day of my departure from this earth, having worn the sandals of littleness and humility. Amen.
