Prayer of Healing & Surrender of One's Emotions

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever! Amen!

This entire year, I have sought to pursue God's call to welcome and practice more silence in my life, and this has included quieting my emotions.  As someone who has a melancholic-phlegmatic spiritual temperament, and generally experiences life and others through intuition and feelings, this continues to be quite a serious undertaking of self-surrender, renunciation, and receptivity to God's invitation and grace to enter into each present moment with calm, equinimity and detachment.

The spiritual greats in the treasury of our Catholic faith discuss at length the importance of becoming detached, purified and healed from our passions.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church recognizes that, “The passions are natural components of the human psyche; they form the passageway and ensure the connection between the life of the senses and the life of the mind” (CCC 1764). 

It goes on to explain that they are neutral in nature and can contribute to either good acts and the exercise of virtue or perverted by vices, and thus are to be governed by reason. This points to the necessity  that the movements of the senses, passions and appetites become purified and ordered towards the good. [See CCC 1768]

This is done by the Holy Spirit, who "accomplishes his work by mobolizing the whole being, with all its sorrows, fears and sadness, as is visible in the Lord's agony and passion. In Christ, human feelings are able to reach their consummation in charity and divine beatitude." [CCC 1769]

St. John of the Cross dedicates a large portion of his works, specifically in both The Ascent of Mount Carmel as well as The Dark Night of the Soul to the importance of this process of letting go of our natural as well as any spiritual or supernatural passions,  which he broadly enumerates as joy, hope, fear, and sorrow. These are beautiful gifts that we experience in our humanity, but we often struggle with disorder and serving these as false idols. That is why the dark nights of both the senses and the very roots of our soul/spirit are necessary to reharmonize these so that we are not slaves to our feelings and sensory experiences, but instead all is ordered towards God Himself as the Source of everything in our lives. 

The following prayer was written from the depths of my heart's desire and within my abject poverty to be fully purified in my affectivity, so that my passions can be rightly ordered and I can purely love God as the center of my life and love my neighbor as myself.  

My Beloved Lord Jesus, 

In Your Most Holy and Powerful Name, through the Immaculate Heart and Womb of Our Lady, I offer you all of my emotions and affectivity that are known and unknown to me. I recognize all of my emotions as your gifts to me as your daughter and in the workings of my feminine genius, but also the need for these interior movements to be purified.  I therefore give you all of my attachments and disordered feelings, and ask that you burn them away in Your Most Sacred Heart, the furnace of Your Merciful Love. I surrender to you all of my senses and appetites, including the six universal emotions of anger, fear, joy, surprise, sadness, and disgust, and all of the ways that I uniquely experience and express them, try to control them and any ways that they uniquely manifest themselves as patterns in my life.  

I freely give to you all the ways that I do not fully understand myself, my responses and feelings, nor their role in my sacred journey and relationship with others. I place down before the foot of the Cross, my blindness, deafness, and ignorance pertaining to all of these hidden ways that I act out of these emotions and ask for your grace and healing.

I ask that you purify any ways that I express my sentiments in a disordered manner, either in the extremes of numbing myself or in hyper-emotionalism. I ask for you to reveal and illuminate through the Holy Spirit the manner in which these passions  adversely impact myself and others, and most importantly how they hinder and create blockages in my relationship with You. I also ask that you bring to light any ways that my emotions are an attempt to manipulate or control others, or to create false idols that replace your primacy in my life and I ask profound forgiveness to you for this through your Most Precious Blood and Holy Wounds, Lord Jesus. 

I pray that I may turn solely and only to You to be heard, seen, known and understood. May I be humble, hidden and balanced in my emotions, by avoiding over-sensitivity, emotional intoxication, dissociation and/or numbing. May I be attuned to Your Divine Presence, always listening for Your voice as the Good Shepherd.  May I also be aware of the ways that you speak to me in the voice of conscience, and the subtle ways that my body provides me with signals regarding how I am responding in a given situation to people, places, and sitations. May I take care to listen deeply to my sacred story and to the ways that you are increasing self-knowledge and awareness within me so that I may better know and honor myself, to in turn better know and love You and all those you place upon my path.  In doing so, may I receive the gifts of wisdom, understanding and knowledge, to better recognize any interior responses that are connected with my memories, be they either good or bad; as well as understand and integrate my attachment style, my spiritual temperament, and sacred journey with your grace.  

Abba, Heavenly Father, I humbly ask that within my interior movements and passions, that I may recognize my inner voice as Your daughter, and be assured that You know me and call me by name and knit me together in my mother's womb. May I bring myself to You when I am experiencing distress or feelings of profound sadness, anger, abandonment, powerlessness, rejection or any other wound.  May I receive You, Jesus, as my Savior and Redeemer, as my Divine Bridegroom, my Brother and my Friend by Whose stripes I am healed. May I always remember that you are Emanuel, God With us,  and that you perpetually abide with me, most especially through the Eucharist, the Living Bread come down from heaven, to strengthen me and to slake my thirst. Holy Spirit, may I welcome you as my Divine Counselor, Consoler and Architect, and as the Sweet Guest of my soul, who leads and guides me on my journey back home to the Father. May I receive the gifts and fruits you wish to give me in your perfect pace, space, and place, and may I trust and abandon myself to the path you are calling me to follow without complaint. 

May I receive the tender love, mercy and maternal protection of Mama Mary, who always accompanies me along with St. Joseph, her most chaste spouse. May I seek to imitate the equinimity of Our Lady of Sorrows, the Immaculata and Burning Bush standing at the foot of the Cross, who models pure affectivity.  May I abandon myself to her as my Celestial Mother and Queen, Mediatrix and Intercessor of all graces, in complete confidence that she may mold and shape me in order to fully surrender and heal my emotions.  I pray this through the intercession of St. John of the Cross, St. Augustine, and St. Therese of the Child Jesus and Holy Face for the glory of the Most Holy Trinity.  Amen. 

Our Lady, the Burning Bush, Teaches us How to Live in Equanimity

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

Blessings on the first day of 2024 when we honor the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God,

who assists us in preparing our hearts for what God might be calling us to in the months to come! As we begin this year, perhaps we have discerned some goals or resolutions that we are being invited to more intentionally pursue, whether it is working on one particular virtue, strengthening a relationship with God or another, or developing a particular gift or talent more fully in our lives.  Before modeling such goals on an Excel spreadsheet or peppering our Google calendars with reminders  [all potentially very helpful and good things in and of themselves], it can be helpful to check in with our Celestial Mama and Queen who only wants what is best for her children, and who is always there to help. Just be meditating on the Gospels, we can encounter Our Lady's humility, open receptivity, and calm demeanor in every interaction and every twist, turn, and surprise in her life, all of which are worthy of our imitation. 

Recently, the image of Our Lady as the Burning Bush has become a symbol that is soaking ever deeper into my interiority as it is teaching me how to respond to the known and unknown aspects of my life with an increased interior disposition towards eqanimity or calm. The word “equanimity” comes from the combination of two Latin terms: aequus, meaning “even, level” and animus, meaning “mind” or “spirit.” Christian philosophers have characterized equanimity as the ability to remain calm, composed, open and non-reactive in the face of challenging and distressing situations. Some have suggested that the gift of equinimity is an essential component for carrying the virtues of modesty, gentleness, contentment, temperance, and charity. According to St. John Henry Newman in his homily, “Equanimity,” our peace rests on our ability to maintain a supernatural vision of our lives. To enjoy Christ's peace in the midst of events that impact my own interiority, my family and close loved ones, as well as my country and the greater world, he suggests that our eyes must be fixed on Christ, rather than the cares of earthly existence. This does not mean a cold detachment from others or our human embodiment in this life, but it does mean being able to maintain a calmness regardless of circumstances with a spirit of detachment, calm, docility, and flexibility in imitation of Our Lady, knowing that we are pilgrims on this earth who are destined for eternal life.  

Many Church Fathers have commented on the rich symbol of Our Lady as the Burning Bush. St. Ephrem saw the burning bush as a symbol of Mary’s purity and holiness, while St. John of Damascus, who lived in the 8th century AD, saw the burning bush as a symbol of the Incarnation of Christ. The following are inspirations that have come during my prayer time as I have been seeking to grow in equanimity, the exercise of virtue, and emotional sobriety in my life. I am hopeful that these thoughts might be helpful to others. 

The Blessed Virgin Mary is the burning bush because she burns brightly and fully, but is never consumed. The Lord Jesus is contained within her as the New Ark, along with a perpetual flow of Trinitarian Love. Amidst this fire, she is also perpetually the fountain of grace rooted in living waters as one 'who meditates upon the law day and night without ceasing. She is like a tree planted near streams of water, that yields its fruit in due season; Its leaves never wither; whatever he does prospers' [Ps 1:2-3], so she is in perfect balance and equalibrium. In other words, she does not ever become emotionally overheated!  Her feelings do not consume her in a way that she becomes a flamethrower or a dangerous conflagration that spills out in a haphazard or chaotic way. Instead, she ponders all things in Her Immaculate Heart, and is thereby able to respond to any situation, event or circumstance, whether seemingly positive of negative, good or evil, with complete calm. She is 'full of grace' and contains such purity as the New Eve that she receives the flow of Trinitarian Love within which burns as a perpetual lantern of light and love for her spiritual children. By maintaining this equanimity and being perpetually focused on the Divine Will and giving her fiat in each present moment, she contains all within this perfect burning flame of the Holy Spirit. 

She is also grounded [no pun  intended] in the rich soil of humility. She knows that Her Son is the vine and she is the branches and without Him, she can do nothing.  The elements within her very being as contained in the image of the burning bush are completely in balance, with no excess or deficit of any emotion. This allows her to respond in the fullness of grace and calm, in the midst of experiencing feelings and emotions at the deepest levels due to her open Immaculate Heart, her perfect sensitivities to the Divine Will and to the sufferings of both her Son, Jesus, as well as to all of humanity. Yet, she stands at the foot of the Cross in total equanimity. She gathers with the Apostles in the Upper Room in a calm way that unites everyone together in holy expectation, prayerfulness, silence, and harmony. This fire of love burning within her reflects and glorifies the Holy Three. 

As the Burning Bush, she invites us to stay in her Immaculate Heart and Womb perpetually as each contains the proper boundaries to live in such harmony. As one seeking to surrender more to dwelling within the beauty and grace of Her Womb, Our Lady gently molds and shapes us in her tender maternal love, and assists us in avoiding impulsivity or unbalanced reactivity to unforeseen situations. She helps to ensure that one's passions and zeal do not become an unwieldy firestorm that leads to confusion, heightened anxiety, division or tensions. She teaches us how to hold 'this little light of mine' in an orderly way that does not hurt one's relationship with God, with others, or with oneself.  

She also brings us to her Divine Spouse, the Holy Spirit or 'Ruah' breath of life, who leads and guides us in strengthening and developing stronger virtues in a spirit of emotional calm. This literally assists us in breathing calmly to receive grace and release emotional overloads that stir dangerous firestorms interiorly and to instead gain composure and embrace the present moment with a docile spirit.

The journey is arduous and I have a very long way to go, but this beautiful symbol and title of Our Lady has definitely assisted me in making wee baby steps towards increased self-awareness regarding emotional eqanimity and freedom that is expressed in healthy and loving ways. It has helped to ground me in making sure that I am taking time to be rooted in humilty; breathing in the calming gentle wind of the Holy Spirit; drinking from and plunging into the living waters that are provided and available to us whilest rooted in prayer and the Sacraments; and receiving the fire of God's Love in grateful receptivity, with my eyes fixed upon Jesus. I humbly hope this might be helpful to others in some small way, and wish everyone a very blessed New Year!

Prayer for Healing Wounds through St. Joseph - Head of the Holy Family

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

Wishing everyone a grace-filled Christmastide and Feast of the Holy Family!

It has been on my heart to share this little prayer of healing I wrote in honor

of St. Joseph during 2022, when Pope Francis declared a year dedicated to the Universal Patron Saint of the Holy Catholic Church. I hope that you may find this to be helpful as we begin the new year and seek further grace, healing, and joy in our lives and vocations especially in family life. 

It should be noted that this prayer was composed with the influence of several works on St. Joseph that I have read and studied, including Just Man: Husband of Mary, Guardian of Christ, by Jerónimo Gracián, as well as Through the Heart of St. Joseph by Fr. Bonface Hicks, osb; St. Joseph’s Cloak 30 day prayer; Consecration to St. Joseph: The Wonders of Our Spiritual Father by Fr. Donald Calloway, MIC; and Healing the Whole Person by Dr. Bob Schutts. 

In Gracian's extensive review of St. Joseph, he outlines the virtues, roles, privileges and excellencies of St. Joseph who perfectly lived out the Beatitudes, especially poverty of

spirit, meekness, and a thirst for justice in serving God [p. 181]. St. Joseph was presented as specially chosen to care for Our Lord Jesus as an attentive father who fulfilled several roles including as his guardian angel, guide, protector [notably called 'savior to the Savior'], tutor, provider as carpenter, and a man of contemplation to name a few.

In Through the Heart of St. Joseph, Fr. Hicks, osb develops the idea that St. Joseph can reparent us, especially in our paternal wounds. He explains that St. Joseph is there to care for us, and by, “developing a relationship of childlike trust in our loving father. St. Joseph can strengthen us and prepare us for deeper healing.” Ultimately, St. Joseph will assist us in recognizing our core wounds and the lies, distortions, false vows and agreements that we often adopt to protect ourselves and numb the pain of past wounds. Such protectice mechanisms often leads to a false self-image, sinful behaviors, and distorted thinking about ourselves, others, and how we view God. As such a pure and virtuous father-figure, St. Joseph can gently be brought into any past memory, or present situation to accompany us with his fatherly love and guidance. My hope is that this prayer may be a source of healing for those who read it, all for the Glory of our Triune God, through the intercession of our Carmelite saints, Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, and St. Joseph, Head of the Holy Family, pray for us. Amen.

Prayer for Healing our Wounds through St. Joseph’s Intercession

Dear St. Joseph,

You were chosen by Jesus our Savior, to become the husband of the Most Blessed Virgin Mary and His father upon this earth. By your purity of heart, deep love and devotion to God, your virtues, and your perpetual adoration of the Christ Child in your home and whom you carried in your arms, you became “a mirror of God the Father…the Heavenly Father’s shadow”, and “Guardian of the Redeemer.” [Gracian, p. 148-149]

How often have I thirsted for the fullness of such fatherly love, to rest in the embrace of my earthly father, and to be seen known, heard and understood in the full authenticity of who I am as a son/daughter. How I have longed to hear the words, “I love you.’, ‘I affirm you.’, “I place my fatherly blessing upon you.” by my own father on this life journey.

I turn to you St. Joseph, and present myself and my father to you in whatever circumstances I have experienced. I give thanks and profound gratitude for any ways that I experienced paternal love, kindness, guidance, presence, blessings and provision from my earthly father. I ask for an abudance of graces and gifts to be granted to my father for giving me the gift of life itself. I gently approach those memories and times when I did not receive the attention, guidance, love, presence, blessings or acceptance that I so desired from my father. I especially present any memories of abandonment or his profound absence and how that impacted my life, as well as any times of tension or rejection. I ask you to step into that space of absence, disagreement, disappointment, or abuse with me St. Joseph, take me by the hand and stay present with me in that memory. Parent me in that moment where I felt trapped, unknown or misunderstood, rejected or lost. Guide me peacefully through that process of allowing me to change the pattern of this interaction. I ask you to speak words of paternal kindness, truth, generosity, wisdom, and love between myself and my father. Help me to see with new eyes that this was not about me or my worthiness as a son/daughter, but about past wounds of my own father, generational patterns of communication and sin within the family, or a lack of tools to communicate and know how to express himself in love, gentleness, kindness, and firmness that is required of a father. Help me to forgive my father in these moments and to recognize that you reveal to me the Christ Child who is and was always there with me and loving me in these moments. 

Gently lead me with Jesus in truth to Our Heavenly Father, who has my name written upon the palm of His Divine Hand, and knows every hair upon my head. Let me approach the throne of grace and mercy, believing that He has known me before I was born, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, unrepeatable, and fashioned in His Image and Likeness. May any lies or distortions that I have erroneously placed upon our Abba Father due to my own brokenness and woundedness from my family of origin, be replaced with a certain knowing that I belong to Him as His son/daughter. I am His and He has chosen me and He knows me since I was knit in my mother’s womb.

In Jesus’ Name and through the intercession of St. Joseph, terror of demons, heal me from any lies of the enemy that tell me that I am not worthy of the Father’s Love; that I am alone, orphaned and forgotten; or that Our Father is an angry and unreasonable Divine Scorekeeper who makes impossible demands and throws divine temper tantrums.

Instill in me, St. Joseph the following virtues that you practiced so perfectly:

The Virtue of patience to overcome anger;

The virtue of humility to overcome pride;

The virtue of chastity to overcome lust;

The virtue of diligence to overcome sloth;

The virtue of abstinence/moderation/temperance to overcome gluttony;

The virtue of kindness to overcome envy;

The virtue of liberality to overcome greed.

Place your fatherly cloak over me and my loved ones, St. Joseph, that I may know that I am protected from the arrows that fly by day, that I am chosen as a child of God, and that through your fatherly intercession and the Precious Blood of Jesus Christ and His Glorified Wounds, that I am made whole and new. May I open myself up in pure receptivity to the graces which you wish to bring to me from the Holy Trinity and your spouse, Most Holy Mother of God. May I see the fruits of such healing by living out more fully the effects of love which include happiness, spiritual joy, zeal, devotion, ardor, tenderness, fire of love, a spirit of forgiveness for others as God has so generously forgive me, generosity and kindness by practicing spiritual and corporal works of mercy, and contemplation that leads to spiritual union and communion with the Holy Three.

I pray all of this for the Glory of the Most August Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, through your intercession, St. Joseph, the Just Man, with your holy spouse, the Theotokos at your side. Amen.

The Charcoal Fire that Transforms into the Living Flame of Love

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

This Third Sunday of Easter we hear about Jesus greeting some of the Apostles

and disciples from the shore of the Sea of Tiberias, first advising them to cast their nets 

onto the right side of the boat to catch fish in their empty barren nets, and then

to come share their subsequent abundant one hundred fifty-three fish with him for breakfast. 

As they approach, Jesus is already cooking some fish upon a charcoal fire.  The smells, the flame, the partaking of a meal with the Lord, undoubtedly stirs up a storm of emotions for all of them.  In particular, Peter would have been transported back to the Love Feast of the Last Supper, when he had zealously responded to Jesus' prophetic words and warning that all would have their faith in Him shaken, when he had promised Him, "Though all may have their faith in you shaken, mine will never be...Even though I should have to die with you, I will not deny you..." [Mt 26:33,35]

Fatsforward a few short hours later and Peter finds himself outside the gates of the high priest's courtyard where Jesus is being falsely accused.  He is surrounded by the slaves and the guards who begin to question him and accuse him of his affiliation with this troublemaker Jesus. Peter is keeping himself warm next to the charcoal fire.  Thrice he is given the opportunity to affirm his relationship with Jesus and that he will gladly go to prison and/or die for Him, and thrice he fails and denies His Beloved. He is outside the gates of prayer, relying on his own strength.  He is looking away from Christ's Face to himself, others, the fire, and the threats that surround him, similar to what he had experienced when he began to walk on water with eyes only on Jesus but then looked down and immediately sank.  When I hear this story, I hear my own story. When I imagine Peter and hear his subsequent moans and bitter tears from the depths of his soul, when I see him turn his face away from the Lord, I see a mirrored reflection of myself. 

                                                            Icon by Oleg Shurkus

Thankfully, Jesus does not leave Peter [nor us] in his shame, but instead brings him back to the place where this deep wound of denial and subsequent existential guilt gnaws at Peter's very being.  He doesn't get to avoid it or circumvent this most painful memory. Indeed, he can't run away from it by returning to his old life of fishing, and he can't push it down and cover it with distractions in the hopes that it will someday go away.  Instead, it must be looked at and experienced like the bronze serpent that is placed upon the seraph. Just as God provides the remedy to venomous snakes biting the Israelites following their complaining and infidelities against Him by promising, "When anyone who is bitten looks at it, he will recover" [Num 21:8]. Jesus instructs Nicodemus that, 'just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the desert, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life' [Jn 3:13-14].   It is in looking at the Face of Jesus lifted upon the Cross who, though pure, innocent and undefiled as the spotless Lamb of God, voluntarily becomes the Face of sin [See Novo Millenio Inuente 25] that we can experience true freedom. It is in approaching the Cross as the Tree of Life and the bedchamber of the Divine Bridegroom that we can be renewed and healed.  

Beyond the healing Face to face encounter with Jesus, Peter is invited into this healing interchange through smell which is the sense most associated with our memories. The charcoal-fired scent on the shores of Galilee that morning would have elicited a response in the depths of Peter.  Neuroscientists have found that odors are handled by an olfactory bulb in the brain that enjoys a direct pathway to the limbic system, which includes the amygdala and the hippocampus, both of which are associated with emotions and memories.  It is there in that embodied space that Jesus invites Peter into this most painful memory of his triple denial, and then grants him a new invitation to love Him and feed His sheep. Peter is then able to reaffirm his brotherly love for Jesus and his willingness to serve Him. We can almost feel the relief and the release of his profoundest pain in this exchange.  In a sense, Jesus sticks His finger into the deepest wound of Peter's heart, just as He invited Thomas to probe the core wound of His own Sacred Heart. His Divine Mercy is the healing balm and salve that strengthens Peter for the journey and mission ahead. By looking at the sin, the denial, and source of greatest shame He is now equipped to move forward.

                                             Icon of the Diocese of Cyprus, Maronite

The charcoal fire denotes this cleansing, as charcoal is used as a broad-spectrum binder that can be given as a means of removing poisions and toxins from the body.   Charcoal is a carbon-based substance made from decomposing coconut shells, peat, and bamboo. It is porous and essentially mops up just about anything roaming in the body.  Today, it is commonly used for overdoses and for die off from disease and free radicals. Jesus deliberately lights this charcoal fire [in Greek, anthrakia] instead of using the ample driftwood that undoubtedly was available to Him.  This charcoal fire is going to bind the toxins running rampant within Peter's mind, heart, soul and body that include his denials, sins of pride, self-sufficiency, concern for human esteem, and his debilitating shame and sorrow. Jesus' Words are Life itself.  When received they become elixirs to what ails us.  By receiving and then responding to Christ's gentle Words and gentle question, 'Do you love me?', Peter is cleansed and restored on a deeper level that makes space for the Fire of the Holy Spirit to come in and dwell ever-more deeply within his heart. 

We see that the charcoal fire of Jesus' Divine Mercy and Love for Peter has expanded his heart space for an intensified flame to burn within his heart. He is no longer cowed by fear or concerned with his reputation, but has been immersed in the fire of the Holy Spirit which was imparted to Peter and all of the disciples on the Feast of Pentecost 50 days after the Passover, when 'there appeared to them tongues as of fire, which parted and then came to rest on each one of them' [Acts 2:3].

Henceforth, we see Peter filled with zeal for the glory of God and preaching unabashedly in the Holy Name of Jesus.  Even under duress, death threats and imprisonment, St. Peter is now able to courageously proclaim Jesus as Lord as he responds to those who persecute them, 

    We must obey God rather than men. 

    The God of our ancestors raised Jesus,

    though you had him killed by hanging him on a tree.

    God exalted him at his right hand as leader and savior

    to grant Israel repentence and forgiveness.

    We are witnesses of these things, as is the Holy Spirit

    that God has given to those who obey him. [Acts 5:29-32]

Over time, this flame of fire becomes more mature, profound, and hotter. It is a flame of divine life and continues to transform the soul. As St. John of the Cross explains, this fire cauterized and wounds in order for the soul to become a living flame of love in which the soul melts within itself so only He resides within. But to get there and expand the tent of our inner beings for the Sweet Guest of our souls, we must visit and revisit the charcoal fire in the room of the self-knowledge of prayer, as well as in the sacrament of Reconciliation.  

Brothers and sisters, let us run to the charcoal fire, the anthrakia, to bind up our wounds and heal our broken hearts [See Ps 147:3].  Let us entrust ourselves to Jesus by looking at His Face, confessing our sins while gazing into His eyes, and opening up our minds, hearts, eyes, ears, hands, souls, mouths, and spirits to Him.  He forgives us and calls us foward to continue in this journey of Divine Love, and to ultimately be transformed into the wood itself, so that we can call out with the bride, "My heart grew hot within me, and a certain fire was enkindled' [Psalm 39:3].

                St. Peter, Prince of the Apostles...Pray for us.

    

Got Mint?

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

As we traverse the final weeks of Lent before Holy Week, I have found myself

in the room of self-knowledge with a ever-widening magnifying glass which 

underscores the deep reality of my sins, wounds and failings in increasing clarity. 

Of course, this is a gift as God brings such interior distortions to light in order to heal them and increases my humility and sense of child-like dependence upon Him. By His grace, I have been able to bring several of these to Confession this Lenten season and rejoice for that! At the same time, I find myself in my sometimes melancholic temperament getting weighed down with such realities and ruminating over my own lack of correspondence to His Divine grace, and over the difficulties in overcoming some of these challenges and short-comings in my life.  I begin to doubt and my faith flags as I wonder how all of this can be resolved especially in the reality of my daily life.  I get on a hamster wheel of negativity in questioning God, doubting myself, and blaming others for what I see here.  This lack of surrender and prideful power-tripping taints any semblance of humility within, disturbs and frustrates my peace, and causes even more shame and guilt. And so begins the process all over again. I find that the enemy is ceaselessly at work in his dialogues with me and I am exhausted in how this is playing out in this Lenten desert.   

This seems to be what the Desert Father Evagrius Pontus speaks of in his book Talking Back, where he explains that the devil attacks our thoughts as an initial battlefield for supremacy and to try to sow a spirit of confusion and despair.  We must resist it and use the Divine Words of Scripture to do so. He suggests that for those that suffer from the demon of sadness that we quote, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Have faith in God, have faith also in me" [John 14:1]. And for one who feels tested beyond his strength, "God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it" [1 Cor 10:13].

St. Teresa of Jesus speaks of resisting such thoughts by going into the room of self-knowledge frequently, where one is given deeper levels of understanding one's failures and resistance to cooperate with Our Lord's grace, but also where one is given the knowledge of God's greatness. This allows one clarity in seeing who one is, but also lucidity in knowing who God is and encountering His Divine attributes of mercy, love, omnipotence and omniscience.  As we grow in self-knowledge, we are hopefully growing in knowledge and love for God. True humility is being able to see who one truly is in a spirit of peace, gratitude, and praise, while simultaneously recognizing God's Grandeur, Generosity and Divine Love for us even in our littleness.  

One afternoon this past week, I was pondering certain situations and continuing this interior dialogue as I finished some errands.  I was lamenting some challenges in my life.  In the midst of this, I walked into the grocery store and headed for the produce department.  I was looking for a few items for vegetarian chili in a smaller grocery store with a more limited selection.  As I wandered about looking for fresh cilantro, a friendly somewhat disheveled older woman began to strike up a conversation with me.  She was sharing how completely delighted she was in discovering that they had fresh mint in little bundles that had just arrived! She gave me a toothless grin and began to rejoice in the many ways that she loves mint- in her iced tea, with fruit, and other assorted recipes.  Her eyes glimmered as she told me about how mint reminds her of spring, and the smell invigorates and refreshes her. This lovely woman was very enthusiastic about mint and her zeal was contagious! As a lover of Andes chocolate mints and mint glaze on lamb, I began to think about how truly awesome mint really is and what a blessing it is to be able to come into a store and have it available to take home and provide a fresh flavor to various dishes. As she continued speaking with me and helped me look for the hidden location of the cilantro, I knew that Jesus was speaking to me through her! 

My spirit was aware of His call for me to come out of myself and to encounter Him in the little things, and through a spirit of child-like delight, wonder and gratitude.  It was obvious from appearances that this woman's life had not been an easy one, and yet here she was expressing such profound joy in the availability of fresh mint.  Beyond her soliloquy about fresh mint, this woman had such interior freedom in encountering others that she not only helped me find the missing cilantro that we eventually found on a high shelf, but also assisted another customer who was wondering which avocados to purchase.  The longer I spoke with this lovely lady and observed her, the more beautiful she became. Her face revealed the radiance of her spirit and her attitude of gratitude filled her surroundings. I felt blessed to encounter this special woman, and I knew that Our Lord was teaching me a very important lesson about the linkage between humility and gratitude, and about not getting bogged down by my own plentiful failings and difficulties, but instead looking up to the One who rescues and saves me and makes a way for me.

What an excellent opportunity for me to get out of my darkened thoughts and back to the basics of praise and thanksgiving! The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us that 'every event and need can become an offering of thanksgiving' [CCC# 2638]. This is built upon Jesus' example, and the words of St. Paul that teach us to 'Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you' [1 Thess 5:18].  The Catechism further develops praise as a form of prayer that 'lauds God for his own sake and gives him glory, quite beyond what he does, simply because HE IS...Praise embraces the other forms of prayer and carries them toward him who is its source and goal: 'the one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist' [1 Cor 8:6] [CCC#2639]. Indeed, all is gift and an opportunity to love God, others, creation and myself amidst my poverty. The joys and sorrows of life, the blessings and Cross all are transformed when I become little and experience awe and delight in how God loves me and reveals Himself to me even amidst my brokenness and that of the world. 

I recently learned that the Tribe of Judah means 'praise' and this tribe always preceded and led the other tribes of Israel during their journeys and in times of battle with song, jubilation, thanksgiving, and worship. This was believed to honor God most profoundly and to call upon His Divine Presence in their daily lives. The importance of such praise is remembered in the recitation of Morning Prayer in the Liturgy of the Hours as we start our invitatory with Psalm 95 which acclaims:

    Come let us sing joyfully to the Lord;

    Let us acclaim the rock of our salvation;

    Let us greet him with thanksgiving;

    Let us joyfully sing psalms to him. [Ps 95:1-2]

Wow! These are the first words to pass from my lips in the morning,

when meeting the Lord. Like the tribe of Judah, my heart is to sing his

praises for Who He Is, and rejoice in His Holy Name, HIs Merciful Heart,

His grandeurs, power, beauty, goodness, truth, and all the other Divine

attributes that He shares with me every day despite my weaknesses.

What good news indeed that amidst my transgressions, that He meets me there

in the room of self-knowledge and lifts me up as a child onto His lap! 

The necessity of praise and thanksgiving as the first posture of my heart helps me to rightly order my interior life.  Yes, the room of self-knowledge and humility is absolutely central and key to my sanctification, purification and growth, but it is to be done with a song in my heart,

a hum of praise and thanksgiving upon my lips, knowing who I am in my complete littleness, under the shining rays of light of His Merciful Love, and in taking heart in knowing who God is and how He delights in me, meets me where I am at, and runs to place His ring upon my finger and the robe upon me as His prodigal daughter. 

I am so grateful for my little surprise rendezvous with my dear sister at the grocery store this past week!  Her thanksgiving for the small things, her beautiful smile and kind eyes will always be with me in teaching me about the importance of going beyond my sins and Crosses in life to a place of gratitude and joy. As a result, these past few days when tempted to complain or enter some of that darkness within, I have found myself thanking God for mint which refreshes the body and soul, and for the small and big people and things in my life that bless me deeply and profoundly. I have been able to raise my mind and heart to God in a spirit of praise and thanksgiving, and then entrust all of my needs to Him knowing that 'the Lord is good, His mercy is everlasting, and his truth endures to all generations' [Ps 100] and to not be anxious about my sins, 'but in everything with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God [Phil 4:6].

Got mint? 

Madre Teresa: An Ode to her Spiritual Motherhood

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

Today we celebrate the 400th anniversary of St. Teresa of Jesus' canonization. What a glorious day for the Church then until this present day! St. Teresa's influence regarding prayer and how to live out the call to universal holiness for every vocation continues unabated and speaks to people of all different religious backgrounds, cultures, interests, and professions. Indeed, her foundations of the Discalced Carmelite Order have had  a profound impact on history within the Church, various forms of creativity and art, as well as in geopolitical matters. It can be said that St. Teresa is truly a spiritual madre who has helped to form and birth many spiritual sons and daughters throughout the world.  This is a little poem I wrote several years ago to honor Teresa's maternal guidance, practicality, wisdom and love that she has shared so generously with me and so many others. 

Madre Teresa: An Ode to her Spiritual Motherhood

Trimester I

Passive receptivity

Spirit, come!

Quiet fiat

Jesus, beside her,

Opened mind,

Opened heart

Soul laid bare.

Pierced with heavenly dart of love,

Divinely overshadowed.

Gifted with flash of castle,

Divinely instructed.

United with the Three,

Incarnation of the new Carmel.

Trimester II

Madre Teresa, spiritual womb of Carmel.

Encasing reformed order within

Nurturing the garden of this new vineyard,

Tilling the earth founded upon Elijah and Mary

In your interior soil of prayer and humility,

With love and obedience.

Seeds germinating within

Flowing waters of prayer

Sowing, sustaining

Anointed words of divine wisdom

Releasing seedlings carried on the breeze

Bringing glad tidings to chosen souls.

Trimester III

Maternal womb of Carmel, expansive tent

Cocoon pregnant with anticipation of new life

Metamorphosis, straining towards [life-giving] union

Birthing of a new Carmel carried on damp

Butterfly’s wings

Under the burning heat of the Spirit’s love

This dart of fire tinged aglow with Word and Breath

Behold! He is doing something new!

Foundations rapt in love of God and neighbor

Generating brides in this verdant meadow

Fading mirage of self, fresh eyes turned towards the Beloved's Face

Rapt in Jesus’ Crucified love.

Madre Teresa, Madre. 

See also: http://carmelphoenix.blogspot.com/2014/10/st-theresas-butterflies.html

Crossing the Suspension Bridge in the Jungle of my Soul

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

The season of Lent is now in full swing, and the disciplines of prayer, fasting, and

almsgiving in more intentional and sacrificial ways beckons us to go out into the desert

to meet our Lord Jesus. As I respond to this invitation of purification and simplification

to give space for an increased intimacy with Our Lord, I have become aware of the 

jungle of my mind and heart where various hopes and desires, both ordered and disordered,

war within.   I recognize that the wars that currently rage between the peoples of the Ukraine and Russia, the terrorists in Afghanistan, civil groups in Ethiopia and Myanmar, and drug cartels in Mexico are but a spill-over of what is sometimes brewing within my own heart, decisions, thoughts, and actions.

A few weeks ago the Lord gave me an image of a suspension bridge.  The etymology of this 

word comes from the Latin word 'sub' which means under and 'pend' which means to hang or to balance. It is a means of absorbing shock or balancing something or someone. This symbol was given to me associated with virtue which is  the center point between extremes of excess and deficit in the passions.  

I have been reviewing the meaning of this concept and found that according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, virtue is connected with "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." [Phil 4:8]. It goes on to explain human virtues as 'firm attitudes, stable dispositions, habitual perfections of the intellect and will that govern our actions, order our passions, and guide our conduct according to reason and faith' [CCC #1804].  Human or moral virtues are habits that are acquired by human effort undertaken in a spirit of perseverance and elevated by God's grace. They are developed over time by freely practicing the good with repeated effort. 

The four cardinal virtues upon which all the other moral virtues are grounded consist of  prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance.  The three theological virtues are faith, hope, and love. As St. Paul tells us, charity is the greatest of these as it imbues all the other virtues towards harmony with the Divine Will. I would add that many of the greatest saints and doctors of the Church including St. Augustine and St. Teresa of Jesus speak of humility as being the greatest virtue upon which all the others are founded, since we are wholly dependent upon the Lord to do anything.

In our humanity, we experience feelings or passions as movements of the sensitive appetites that influence us in our decisions 'to act or not to act' in response to a perceived good or evil [CCC # 1763].  These are gateways between the life of the senses and the life of the mind, with our hearts as its source and center point.  The suspension bridge is a connecting point between our hearts and our minds.  Our feelings and our thoughts. Passions are neither good nor evil, but instead neutral until acted upon.  This is where the war within begins.  Every situation provides an opportunity and a choice to respond in a place of love that magnifies the Lord, or in a place of ego-driven self-interest.  I can operate in a posture of deficit and withhold love, in an extremity of a passionate storm that is destructive, or I can offer a gift of myself and the Lord will multiply that love. 

If I respond with balance in what is being called for in a given situation in cooperation with the Holy Spirit and the graces of the Lord, I am able to avoid deficiency or excess and instead maintain harmony within my own heart and mind regardless of the other person's actions, words or response.  The suspension bridge maintains equilibrium and I do not lose my balance or footing and fall off over the handrails.  If the winds of my passions push me too far towards the extremes of either complete depletion or exaggeration, I fall overboard.  At that moment, I am temporarily unable to continue on the journey towards increased intimacy with Jesus, but am instead bushwhacking through the jungle between my mind and heart, off the path, and under the bridge.

Of course, the Lord is always there to meet us in the wilderness within and will assist us in helping to get back up and onto the narrow bridge that we traverse during Lent from the old man within ourselves to the new one. These are the moments when we are face to face with our weaknesses and invited to exercise the great virtue of humility in recognizing our own limitations and dependence upon God.  In a sense, even such falls are opportunities to develop virtue. We recognize the truth of what St. Philip Neri  imparted so many centuries ago, 'Do not grieve over the temptations you suffer. When the Lord intends to bestow a particular virtue on us, He often permits us first to be tempted by the opposite vice. Therefore, look upon every temptation as an invitation to grow in a particular virtue and a promise by God that you will be successful, if only you stand fast.'

Through our littleness, Jesus can teach us to recognize the voice of the enemy in our hearts and minds - the patterns that trigger such moments that precipitate falling off our inner suspension bridge, and the subtle suggestions that encourage us to respond to our passions in ways that invite the seven deadly sins to rule us.  He will re-clothe us with the armor of God and impart the power of the Holy Spirit to us.  He will bring us back to the center of His Sacred Heart and teachings which operate out of Divine Love and Mercy, the Beatitudes and the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit which include wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord.  With His Divine assistance, along with the Sacraments, study, and prayer we will be able to cooperate more fully with Divine grace and strengthen the muscles of the virtues and their practice in our everyday lives. Over time, the fruits of the Holy Spirit will begin to abound in our lives and these vices will be replaced, and more fully perfected and completed within our souls and lived out.  

The suspension bridge that unites our heart with our mind can appear intimidating and downright dangerous. And in many ways, it is.  However, when traveling with Our Lord Jesus we learn how to traverse the middle path of virtue between the deficit and excess of our passions and appetites. He assists us to stay safely within the guardrails by avoiding extremes, but also knows that 'the righteous man falls seven times a day'.  The good news is that we can count on Jesus to bring the first aid kit to bandage up our wounds, and the words of eternal life to encourage our souls to keep going and forge ahead.  This great adventure will be worth it.  The new man and your new life and mine awaits.