The Charcoal Fire that Transforms into the Living Flame of Love

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

This Third Sunday of Easter we hear about Jesus greeting some of the Apostles

and disciples from the shore of the Sea of Tiberias, first advising them to cast their nets 

onto the right side of the boat to catch fish in their empty barren nets, and then

to come share their subsequent abundant one hundred fifty-three fish with him for breakfast. 

As they approach, Jesus is already cooking some fish upon a charcoal fire.  The smells, the flame, the partaking of a meal with the Lord, undoubtedly stirs up a storm of emotions for all of them.  In particular, Peter would have been transported back to the Love Feast of the Last Supper, when he had zealously responded to Jesus' prophetic words and warning that all would have their faith in Him shaken, when he had promised Him, "Though all may have their faith in you shaken, mine will never be...Even though I should have to die with you, I will not deny you..." [Mt 26:33,35]

Fatsforward a few short hours later and Peter finds himself outside the gates of the high priest's courtyard where Jesus is being falsely accused.  He is surrounded by the slaves and the guards who begin to question him and accuse him of his affiliation with this troublemaker Jesus. Peter is keeping himself warm next to the charcoal fire.  Thrice he is given the opportunity to affirm his relationship with Jesus and that he will gladly go to prison and/or die for Him, and thrice he fails and denies His Beloved. He is outside the gates of prayer, relying on his own strength.  He is looking away from Christ's Face to himself, others, the fire, and the threats that surround him, similar to what he had experienced when he began to walk on water with eyes only on Jesus but then looked down and immediately sank.  When I hear this story, I hear my own story. When I imagine Peter and hear his subsequent moans and bitter tears from the depths of his soul, when I see him turn his face away from the Lord, I see a mirrored reflection of myself. 

                                                            Icon by Oleg Shurkus

Thankfully, Jesus does not leave Peter [nor us] in his shame, but instead brings him back to the place where this deep wound of denial and subsequent existential guilt gnaws at Peter's very being.  He doesn't get to avoid it or circumvent this most painful memory. Indeed, he can't run away from it by returning to his old life of fishing, and he can't push it down and cover it with distractions in the hopes that it will someday go away.  Instead, it must be looked at and experienced like the bronze serpent that is placed upon the seraph. Just as God provides the remedy to venomous snakes biting the Israelites following their complaining and infidelities against Him by promising, "When anyone who is bitten looks at it, he will recover" [Num 21:8]. Jesus instructs Nicodemus that, 'just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the desert, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life' [Jn 3:13-14].   It is in looking at the Face of Jesus lifted upon the Cross who, though pure, innocent and undefiled as the spotless Lamb of God, voluntarily becomes the Face of sin [See Novo Millenio Inuente 25] that we can experience true freedom. It is in approaching the Cross as the Tree of Life and the bedchamber of the Divine Bridegroom that we can be renewed and healed.  

Beyond the healing Face to face encounter with Jesus, Peter is invited into this healing interchange through smell which is the sense most associated with our memories. The charcoal-fired scent on the shores of Galilee that morning would have elicited a response in the depths of Peter.  Neuroscientists have found that odors are handled by an olfactory bulb in the brain that enjoys a direct pathway to the limbic system, which includes the amygdala and the hippocampus, both of which are associated with emotions and memories.  It is there in that embodied space that Jesus invites Peter into this most painful memory of his triple denial, and then grants him a new invitation to love Him and feed His sheep. Peter is then able to reaffirm his brotherly love for Jesus and his willingness to serve Him. We can almost feel the relief and the release of his profoundest pain in this exchange.  In a sense, Jesus sticks His finger into the deepest wound of Peter's heart, just as He invited Thomas to probe the core wound of His own Sacred Heart. His Divine Mercy is the healing balm and salve that strengthens Peter for the journey and mission ahead. By looking at the sin, the denial, and source of greatest shame He is now equipped to move forward.

                                             Icon of the Diocese of Cyprus, Maronite

The charcoal fire denotes this cleansing, as charcoal is used as a broad-spectrum binder that can be given as a means of removing poisions and toxins from the body.   Charcoal is a carbon-based substance made from decomposing coconut shells, peat, and bamboo. It is porous and essentially mops up just about anything roaming in the body.  Today, it is commonly used for overdoses and for die off from disease and free radicals. Jesus deliberately lights this charcoal fire [in Greek, anthrakia] instead of using the ample driftwood that undoubtedly was available to Him.  This charcoal fire is going to bind the toxins running rampant within Peter's mind, heart, soul and body that include his denials, sins of pride, self-sufficiency, concern for human esteem, and his debilitating shame and sorrow. Jesus' Words are Life itself.  When received they become elixirs to what ails us.  By receiving and then responding to Christ's gentle Words and gentle question, 'Do you love me?', Peter is cleansed and restored on a deeper level that makes space for the Fire of the Holy Spirit to come in and dwell ever-more deeply within his heart. 

We see that the charcoal fire of Jesus' Divine Mercy and Love for Peter has expanded his heart space for an intensified flame to burn within his heart. He is no longer cowed by fear or concerned with his reputation, but has been immersed in the fire of the Holy Spirit which was imparted to Peter and all of the disciples on the Feast of Pentecost 50 days after the Passover, when 'there appeared to them tongues as of fire, which parted and then came to rest on each one of them' [Acts 2:3].

Henceforth, we see Peter filled with zeal for the glory of God and preaching unabashedly in the Holy Name of Jesus.  Even under duress, death threats and imprisonment, St. Peter is now able to courageously proclaim Jesus as Lord as he responds to those who persecute them, 

    We must obey God rather than men. 

    The God of our ancestors raised Jesus,

    though you had him killed by hanging him on a tree.

    God exalted him at his right hand as leader and savior

    to grant Israel repentence and forgiveness.

    We are witnesses of these things, as is the Holy Spirit

    that God has given to those who obey him. [Acts 5:29-32]

Over time, this flame of fire becomes more mature, profound, and hotter. It is a flame of divine life and continues to transform the soul. As St. John of the Cross explains, this fire cauterized and wounds in order for the soul to become a living flame of love in which the soul melts within itself so only He resides within. But to get there and expand the tent of our inner beings for the Sweet Guest of our souls, we must visit and revisit the charcoal fire in the room of the self-knowledge of prayer, as well as in the sacrament of Reconciliation.  

Brothers and sisters, let us run to the charcoal fire, the anthrakia, to bind up our wounds and heal our broken hearts [See Ps 147:3].  Let us entrust ourselves to Jesus by looking at His Face, confessing our sins while gazing into His eyes, and opening up our minds, hearts, eyes, ears, hands, souls, mouths, and spirits to Him.  He forgives us and calls us foward to continue in this journey of Divine Love, and to ultimately be transformed into the wood itself, so that we can call out with the bride, "My heart grew hot within me, and a certain fire was enkindled' [Psalm 39:3].

                St. Peter, Prince of the Apostles...Pray for us.

    

Got Mint?

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

As we traverse the final weeks of Lent before Holy Week, I have found myself

in the room of self-knowledge with a ever-widening magnifying glass which 

underscores the deep reality of my sins, wounds and failings in increasing clarity. 

Of course, this is a gift as God brings such interior distortions to light in order to heal them and increases my humility and sense of child-like dependence upon Him. By His grace, I have been able to bring several of these to Confession this Lenten season and rejoice for that! At the same time, I find myself in my sometimes melancholic temperament getting weighed down with such realities and ruminating over my own lack of correspondence to His Divine grace, and over the difficulties in overcoming some of these challenges and short-comings in my life.  I begin to doubt and my faith flags as I wonder how all of this can be resolved especially in the reality of my daily life.  I get on a hamster wheel of negativity in questioning God, doubting myself, and blaming others for what I see here.  This lack of surrender and prideful power-tripping taints any semblance of humility within, disturbs and frustrates my peace, and causes even more shame and guilt. And so begins the process all over again. I find that the enemy is ceaselessly at work in his dialogues with me and I am exhausted in how this is playing out in this Lenten desert.   

This seems to be what the Desert Father Evagrius Pontus speaks of in his book Talking Back, where he explains that the devil attacks our thoughts as an initial battlefield for supremacy and to try to sow a spirit of confusion and despair.  We must resist it and use the Divine Words of Scripture to do so. He suggests that for those that suffer from the demon of sadness that we quote, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Have faith in God, have faith also in me" [John 14:1]. And for one who feels tested beyond his strength, "God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it" [1 Cor 10:13].

St. Teresa of Jesus speaks of resisting such thoughts by going into the room of self-knowledge frequently, where one is given deeper levels of understanding one's failures and resistance to cooperate with Our Lord's grace, but also where one is given the knowledge of God's greatness. This allows one clarity in seeing who one is, but also lucidity in knowing who God is and encountering His Divine attributes of mercy, love, omnipotence and omniscience.  As we grow in self-knowledge, we are hopefully growing in knowledge and love for God. True humility is being able to see who one truly is in a spirit of peace, gratitude, and praise, while simultaneously recognizing God's Grandeur, Generosity and Divine Love for us even in our littleness.  

One afternoon this past week, I was pondering certain situations and continuing this interior dialogue as I finished some errands.  I was lamenting some challenges in my life.  In the midst of this, I walked into the grocery store and headed for the produce department.  I was looking for a few items for vegetarian chili in a smaller grocery store with a more limited selection.  As I wandered about looking for fresh cilantro, a friendly somewhat disheveled older woman began to strike up a conversation with me.  She was sharing how completely delighted she was in discovering that they had fresh mint in little bundles that had just arrived! She gave me a toothless grin and began to rejoice in the many ways that she loves mint- in her iced tea, with fruit, and other assorted recipes.  Her eyes glimmered as she told me about how mint reminds her of spring, and the smell invigorates and refreshes her. This lovely woman was very enthusiastic about mint and her zeal was contagious! As a lover of Andes chocolate mints and mint glaze on lamb, I began to think about how truly awesome mint really is and what a blessing it is to be able to come into a store and have it available to take home and provide a fresh flavor to various dishes. As she continued speaking with me and helped me look for the hidden location of the cilantro, I knew that Jesus was speaking to me through her! 

My spirit was aware of His call for me to come out of myself and to encounter Him in the little things, and through a spirit of child-like delight, wonder and gratitude.  It was obvious from appearances that this woman's life had not been an easy one, and yet here she was expressing such profound joy in the availability of fresh mint.  Beyond her soliloquy about fresh mint, this woman had such interior freedom in encountering others that she not only helped me find the missing cilantro that we eventually found on a high shelf, but also assisted another customer who was wondering which avocados to purchase.  The longer I spoke with this lovely lady and observed her, the more beautiful she became. Her face revealed the radiance of her spirit and her attitude of gratitude filled her surroundings. I felt blessed to encounter this special woman, and I knew that Our Lord was teaching me a very important lesson about the linkage between humility and gratitude, and about not getting bogged down by my own plentiful failings and difficulties, but instead looking up to the One who rescues and saves me and makes a way for me.

What an excellent opportunity for me to get out of my darkened thoughts and back to the basics of praise and thanksgiving! The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us that 'every event and need can become an offering of thanksgiving' [CCC# 2638]. This is built upon Jesus' example, and the words of St. Paul that teach us to 'Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you' [1 Thess 5:18].  The Catechism further develops praise as a form of prayer that 'lauds God for his own sake and gives him glory, quite beyond what he does, simply because HE IS...Praise embraces the other forms of prayer and carries them toward him who is its source and goal: 'the one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist' [1 Cor 8:6] [CCC#2639]. Indeed, all is gift and an opportunity to love God, others, creation and myself amidst my poverty. The joys and sorrows of life, the blessings and Cross all are transformed when I become little and experience awe and delight in how God loves me and reveals Himself to me even amidst my brokenness and that of the world. 

I recently learned that the Tribe of Judah means 'praise' and this tribe always preceded and led the other tribes of Israel during their journeys and in times of battle with song, jubilation, thanksgiving, and worship. This was believed to honor God most profoundly and to call upon His Divine Presence in their daily lives. The importance of such praise is remembered in the recitation of Morning Prayer in the Liturgy of the Hours as we start our invitatory with Psalm 95 which acclaims:

    Come let us sing joyfully to the Lord;

    Let us acclaim the rock of our salvation;

    Let us greet him with thanksgiving;

    Let us joyfully sing psalms to him. [Ps 95:1-2]

Wow! These are the first words to pass from my lips in the morning,

when meeting the Lord. Like the tribe of Judah, my heart is to sing his

praises for Who He Is, and rejoice in His Holy Name, HIs Merciful Heart,

His grandeurs, power, beauty, goodness, truth, and all the other Divine

attributes that He shares with me every day despite my weaknesses.

What good news indeed that amidst my transgressions, that He meets me there

in the room of self-knowledge and lifts me up as a child onto His lap! 

The necessity of praise and thanksgiving as the first posture of my heart helps me to rightly order my interior life.  Yes, the room of self-knowledge and humility is absolutely central and key to my sanctification, purification and growth, but it is to be done with a song in my heart,

a hum of praise and thanksgiving upon my lips, knowing who I am in my complete littleness, under the shining rays of light of His Merciful Love, and in taking heart in knowing who God is and how He delights in me, meets me where I am at, and runs to place His ring upon my finger and the robe upon me as His prodigal daughter. 

I am so grateful for my little surprise rendezvous with my dear sister at the grocery store this past week!  Her thanksgiving for the small things, her beautiful smile and kind eyes will always be with me in teaching me about the importance of going beyond my sins and Crosses in life to a place of gratitude and joy. As a result, these past few days when tempted to complain or enter some of that darkness within, I have found myself thanking God for mint which refreshes the body and soul, and for the small and big people and things in my life that bless me deeply and profoundly. I have been able to raise my mind and heart to God in a spirit of praise and thanksgiving, and then entrust all of my needs to Him knowing that 'the Lord is good, His mercy is everlasting, and his truth endures to all generations' [Ps 100] and to not be anxious about my sins, 'but in everything with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God [Phil 4:6].

Got mint? 

Madre Teresa: An Ode to her Spiritual Motherhood

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

Today we celebrate the 400th anniversary of St. Teresa of Jesus' canonization. What a glorious day for the Church then until this present day! St. Teresa's influence regarding prayer and how to live out the call to universal holiness for every vocation continues unabated and speaks to people of all different religious backgrounds, cultures, interests, and professions. Indeed, her foundations of the Discalced Carmelite Order have had  a profound impact on history within the Church, various forms of creativity and art, as well as in geopolitical matters. It can be said that St. Teresa is truly a spiritual madre who has helped to form and birth many spiritual sons and daughters throughout the world.  This is a little poem I wrote several years ago to honor Teresa's maternal guidance, practicality, wisdom and love that she has shared so generously with me and so many others. 

Madre Teresa: An Ode to her Spiritual Motherhood

Trimester I

Passive receptivity

Spirit, come!

Quiet fiat

Jesus, beside her,

Opened mind,

Opened heart

Soul laid bare.

Pierced with heavenly dart of love,

Divinely overshadowed.

Gifted with flash of castle,

Divinely instructed.

United with the Three,

Incarnation of the new Carmel.

Trimester II

Madre Teresa, spiritual womb of Carmel.

Encasing reformed order within

Nurturing the garden of this new vineyard,

Tilling the earth founded upon Elijah and Mary

In your interior soil of prayer and humility,

With love and obedience.

Seeds germinating within

Flowing waters of prayer

Sowing, sustaining

Anointed words of divine wisdom

Releasing seedlings carried on the breeze

Bringing glad tidings to chosen souls.

Trimester III

Maternal womb of Carmel, expansive tent

Cocoon pregnant with anticipation of new life

Metamorphosis, straining towards [life-giving] union

Birthing of a new Carmel carried on damp

Butterfly’s wings

Under the burning heat of the Spirit’s love

This dart of fire tinged aglow with Word and Breath

Behold! He is doing something new!

Foundations rapt in love of God and neighbor

Generating brides in this verdant meadow

Fading mirage of self, fresh eyes turned towards the Beloved's Face

Rapt in Jesus’ Crucified love.

Madre Teresa, Madre. 

See also: http://carmelphoenix.blogspot.com/2014/10/st-theresas-butterflies.html

Crossing the Suspension Bridge in the Jungle of my Soul

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

The season of Lent is now in full swing, and the disciplines of prayer, fasting, and

almsgiving in more intentional and sacrificial ways beckons us to go out into the desert

to meet our Lord Jesus. As I respond to this invitation of purification and simplification

to give space for an increased intimacy with Our Lord, I have become aware of the 

jungle of my mind and heart where various hopes and desires, both ordered and disordered,

war within.   I recognize that the wars that currently rage between the peoples of the Ukraine and Russia, the terrorists in Afghanistan, civil groups in Ethiopia and Myanmar, and drug cartels in Mexico are but a spill-over of what is sometimes brewing within my own heart, decisions, thoughts, and actions.

A few weeks ago the Lord gave me an image of a suspension bridge.  The etymology of this 

word comes from the Latin word 'sub' which means under and 'pend' which means to hang or to balance. It is a means of absorbing shock or balancing something or someone. This symbol was given to me associated with virtue which is  the center point between extremes of excess and deficit in the passions.  

I have been reviewing the meaning of this concept and found that according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, virtue is connected with "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." [Phil 4:8]. It goes on to explain human virtues as 'firm attitudes, stable dispositions, habitual perfections of the intellect and will that govern our actions, order our passions, and guide our conduct according to reason and faith' [CCC #1804].  Human or moral virtues are habits that are acquired by human effort undertaken in a spirit of perseverance and elevated by God's grace. They are developed over time by freely practicing the good with repeated effort. 

The four cardinal virtues upon which all the other moral virtues are grounded consist of  prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance.  The three theological virtues are faith, hope, and love. As St. Paul tells us, charity is the greatest of these as it imbues all the other virtues towards harmony with the Divine Will. I would add that many of the greatest saints and doctors of the Church including St. Augustine and St. Teresa of Jesus speak of humility as being the greatest virtue upon which all the others are founded, since we are wholly dependent upon the Lord to do anything.

In our humanity, we experience feelings or passions as movements of the sensitive appetites that influence us in our decisions 'to act or not to act' in response to a perceived good or evil [CCC # 1763].  These are gateways between the life of the senses and the life of the mind, with our hearts as its source and center point.  The suspension bridge is a connecting point between our hearts and our minds.  Our feelings and our thoughts. Passions are neither good nor evil, but instead neutral until acted upon.  This is where the war within begins.  Every situation provides an opportunity and a choice to respond in a place of love that magnifies the Lord, or in a place of ego-driven self-interest.  I can operate in a posture of deficit and withhold love, in an extremity of a passionate storm that is destructive, or I can offer a gift of myself and the Lord will multiply that love. 

If I respond with balance in what is being called for in a given situation in cooperation with the Holy Spirit and the graces of the Lord, I am able to avoid deficiency or excess and instead maintain harmony within my own heart and mind regardless of the other person's actions, words or response.  The suspension bridge maintains equilibrium and I do not lose my balance or footing and fall off over the handrails.  If the winds of my passions push me too far towards the extremes of either complete depletion or exaggeration, I fall overboard.  At that moment, I am temporarily unable to continue on the journey towards increased intimacy with Jesus, but am instead bushwhacking through the jungle between my mind and heart, off the path, and under the bridge.

Of course, the Lord is always there to meet us in the wilderness within and will assist us in helping to get back up and onto the narrow bridge that we traverse during Lent from the old man within ourselves to the new one. These are the moments when we are face to face with our weaknesses and invited to exercise the great virtue of humility in recognizing our own limitations and dependence upon God.  In a sense, even such falls are opportunities to develop virtue. We recognize the truth of what St. Philip Neri  imparted so many centuries ago, 'Do not grieve over the temptations you suffer. When the Lord intends to bestow a particular virtue on us, He often permits us first to be tempted by the opposite vice. Therefore, look upon every temptation as an invitation to grow in a particular virtue and a promise by God that you will be successful, if only you stand fast.'

Through our littleness, Jesus can teach us to recognize the voice of the enemy in our hearts and minds - the patterns that trigger such moments that precipitate falling off our inner suspension bridge, and the subtle suggestions that encourage us to respond to our passions in ways that invite the seven deadly sins to rule us.  He will re-clothe us with the armor of God and impart the power of the Holy Spirit to us.  He will bring us back to the center of His Sacred Heart and teachings which operate out of Divine Love and Mercy, the Beatitudes and the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit which include wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord.  With His Divine assistance, along with the Sacraments, study, and prayer we will be able to cooperate more fully with Divine grace and strengthen the muscles of the virtues and their practice in our everyday lives. Over time, the fruits of the Holy Spirit will begin to abound in our lives and these vices will be replaced, and more fully perfected and completed within our souls and lived out.  

The suspension bridge that unites our heart with our mind can appear intimidating and downright dangerous. And in many ways, it is.  However, when traveling with Our Lord Jesus we learn how to traverse the middle path of virtue between the deficit and excess of our passions and appetites. He assists us to stay safely within the guardrails by avoiding extremes, but also knows that 'the righteous man falls seven times a day'.  The good news is that we can count on Jesus to bring the first aid kit to bandage up our wounds, and the words of eternal life to encourage our souls to keep going and forge ahead.  This great adventure will be worth it.  The new man and your new life and mine awaits.