Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!
Friday morning, a dear friend and I embarked on a field trip to go get my chest port surgically placed, as I get ready to start treatment for neurological chronic Lyme disease, along with 5 co-infections. It did not escape me that on the very day that St. Teresa had her visit from the seraph who would pierce her heart with a dart of Christ's love, I would be pierced with a surgical instrument from a human being to open up my veins and make me more accessible for treatment, as I am a phlebotomist's worst nightmare with my scar tissue and collapsing blood sources. OK. So I don't want to bore anyone with my health challenges and gory descriptions of medical procedures. This whole experience was not about that. To me, it was about opening myself up to let flow what needs to flow and to allow the doctors' access to what's needed on the inside.
How often in the spiritual life and in life in general, do I find that I am closed off to the graces that Our Lord is trying to give me? Or so much scar tissue has accumulated that I cannot receive the gifts He is trying to grant me through Our Lady's hands, or I continue to try to approach a given situation with the same response, expecting different results? Then the Holy Spirit cannot move freely through me and I cannot cooperate with a present-moment fiat. In short, I want to flow. I want my life to flow, and I want it to flow through the breath of the Holy Spirit, the Holy Trinity. I want His Divine Love and Mercy to be able to reach me and access the deepest recesses of my very being, that I can then allow those gifts to flow back out of me to reach and touch my family, my neighbors, my friends and enemies alike.
Like blood through our veins, water through our hands, or sands through the hourglass, there is a flow to life. There is a rhythm that leads the tone, the shades, the nuances of our journeys when we place them in God's hands. When we block such movement, or we fear what is happening, His Divine Will is thwarted and everlasting presence is cloaked in darkness. I admit to much anxiety recently, awaiting my diagnoses and now readying for treatment, which has been likened to war to defeat Lyme and related tick borne diseases. I have reminded myself frequently that 'Perfect love casts out all fear." [1 Jn 4:18] and "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do s from it." [Proverbs 4:23]
I am ready to have the blockages within my heart removed from me during this chapter in my life, as I prepare to enter this battle. My prayer is that I will surrender to Our Lord's Will in order that Our Lord's words may be fulfilled, "Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will from within them.” Over time, perhaps I can become a living host of Our Lord's love and mercy, pierced with the dart of His love as St. Teresa was, reflecting His Divine Mercy which was revealed when blood and water flowed from His side. This, following His complete surrender to the Will of the Father. Amen.
Flow, Lord Jesus
Your Precious Blood which
Gushed forth from your wounds
Running crimson red,
More precious than gold.
Flow, Lord Jesus
Your tears dampening your cheeks
Glistening as they slowly
Cascade to the ground.
Flow, Lord Jesus
Your living waters
From the Inner chambers of your
Sacred Heart poured forth to form your
New creation, your Bride. Amen.