My Mosaic Heart re-formed and healed in the Sacred Heart of Jesus

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

What a glorious Feast Day today is as we celebrate the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus! It calls to mind the tenderness and love that emanates from Jesus' Heart and the blood and water that flows forth in a torrent of Divine Love that invites us to receive, to say 'yes' to His overtures, and to bathe in those purifying waters.  

I know that Jesus is constantly drawing me ever close to Himself and beckoning me into increasing intimacy with Him. Nonetheless, I find that at times I recoil from His palpitations of love by responding in the spirit of St. Peter, "Depart from me Lord, for I am a sinful woman."  Recently, I experienced my complete brokenness and sheer inability to love as I ought or desire to.  I found myself face to face with my limitations and poverty opining that, "I do what I do not want to do." It seemed that my feminine genius was completely shattered and the tiny pieces that once comprised my identity as mother, daughter, sister and bride were obliterated in a span of a short weekend into a disordered heap upon the floor. 

There was no quick fix nor self-actualized solution to be had. After the initial shock of seeing what had transpired in my family and my own role in it, there was nothing left to do but bring all of these jagged pieces to the feet of Jesus for Him to recover what was lost and make more beautiful that which was now disfigured and scattered. Just as broken glass can be heated at high temperatures in order to become malleable and enable one to reshape and remold it, so my heart required a reconfiguring of sorts. I asked Jesus to pick up these broken pieces and to heat them in the furnace of His Sacred Heart where the impurities in my own heart could be removed and my identity could be renewed and reclaimed to reflect His designs upon my heart. 

I was also aware that Jesus was lovingly asking me once again for ever-increasing degrees of surrender and letting go of my need to control.  He was inviting me into HIs Sacred Side where His Sacred Heart was pierced and blood and water gushed forth as a shelter and bath where I can repose and let Him decide what my feminine genius looks like and how the mosaic montage of my heart is formed, the colors it is comprised of, and the patterns that it makes.  It was an opportunity for me to hand over all of the little and big pieces of my heart and allow the Divine Artist and Healer to make it new and beautiful in His perfect time and way.  In the dismantling that was allowed to happen, God had bigger plans to restore, renew, and reclaim me for Himself.  This is an ongoing process which I entrust to Him.

This reordering of my heart reminds me that Jesus desires to infill all of our wounded hearts with Himself.  Instead of trying to hide my weaknesses in a variety of inauthentic ways, Our Beloved Savior wants me to allow Him into these vulnerable spaces and places within to fill these crevices with His Mercy, Love, and kindness.  In a sense, by embracing my incapacities in humility and trust and giving Jesus access to my flawed and pocked heart, I have been strengthened and become more fully authentically myself. My false masks and disordered expectations of myself and others are being removed as I am able to exercise more fully and genuinely my true identity and feminine genius. 

In closing, I offer this poem that I wrote to encapsulate this ongoing process of forging my own mosaic heart in the furnace of the One who loves each of us infinitely and eternally. I pray that it may be a source of meditation for exploring the beauty of your own mosaic heart that is being beautifully rendered by the Lord.

My Mosaic Heart

Shattered shards of glass

Scattered and strewn along the dusty dirt road of life.

Sharp edges sink into the earth,

while other jagged pieces poke out 

to cut and wound.

Splash of tinted colors

Obscured by mud, awaiting the rub of hope,

Leading to translucence.

Jade specks muted;

Rose-colored fragments crying out in desperation;

Blue bottle necks gasping for 

mouth to mouth resuscitation 

in adoratio.

The dark resin of sunflower-dolloped slivers

lying amongst emptied perfume bottles once filled with

the fragrance of prayer,

the sweetness of the aromas of incense

rising up to God no more.

Lachrymatories spilling tears

Splashed into the gaping earth,

watering the arid desert, 

Soaking into the moaning cosmos.

Divine Gatherer collecting assorted puzzle pieces 

of my story into Paternal Palm,

Bathing and cleansing in Living waters

Drying with fire breath of the Spirit

in the Divine Furnace of His Emblazoned Heart.

Mini Meditations on Corpus Christi

JMJT! Praise be Jesus Christ! Now and Forever!

There are a few thoughts that have been percolating within recently regarding the gift of the Holy Eucharist, especially after reading Bread that is Broken by Wilfrid Stinissen, ocd and studying the recent Apostolic exhortation written by Bishop Olmsted of Phoenix, AZ entitled Venermur Cernui-Down in Adoration Falling.  

There are so many things to ponder. I will share with you some deep questions that I keep praying on:

1. Am I allowing the Eucharist to truly transform me deeply, completely, in every area of my life? Stinissen writes in his book mentioned above that, "The bread and the wine represent the whole cosmos, but first of all ourselves, who are to be transformed...God is the great Transformer. But He transforms only what we give him."  Am I holding anything back? Where do I still have a 'Do not enter' sign, while the Lord continues to knock at the door of my heart? Do I allow my ego, plans, and very self to become crushed grapes and wheat in order to be transformed and offered to God and others?

 

2. Upon receiving this gift and allowing increasing degrees of interior transformation [hopefully], am I becoming food for others?  Am I nourishing and nurturing others on their journey? Am I a source of healthy energy, movement, light, life, growth and strength? St. Leo the Great said, "For the effect of our sharing in the body and blood of Christ is to change us into what we receive. As we have died with Him, and have been buried and raised to life with him, so we bear him within us, both in body and in spirit, in everything we do."  I must continue to ask myself if I am offering myself as meal for others in the spirit of Jesus Christ. 

3. Fulton Sheen tells us, "We become like that which we gaze upon. Looking into a sunset the face takes on a golden glow. Looking at the Eucharistic Lord for an hour transforms the heart in a mysterious way."  We begin to resemble what or who we spend time looking at.  Couples begin to look increasingly alike over the course of their years spent together as they gaze into one another's eyes.  As they encounter each other face to face entering into their beloved's  shared reality, they gift each other with their presence in a spirit of compassion and empathy whether it be in silence or conversation.  They begin to reflect one another, mirror the other's smiles, expressions, body language, eyes, and even wrinkles.  And so it is with Our Eucharistic King. The more we gaze upon His Eucharistic Face, the more we increasingly resemble Him. Am I placing myself before Him without any masks, seeking to be fully spiritually naked before Him and more deeply discovering Him every time I come before Him?

4. In adoration [in adoratio] am I mouth to mouth with Jesus, as the root word suggests? Is there an exchange of breath, a receiving of His life force, a kiss between Jesus as the Lover and myself as the beloved?  Am I allowing intimacy, closeness, and depth in the relationship?

5. Am I a paten for Our Lord Jesus to lay His weary head? Even amidst my many weaknesses, do I offer myself as a place of support for Jesus who is so cruelly treated and remains unknown and misunderstood?

5. Can I offer myself as an empty chalice for Christ to pour Himself into in order to receive the water of His humanity, mingled with the wine changed into "the crimson blood of love, and lifted up in sacrifice."  [Reed of God, Caryll Houselander]  The emptier the vessel that I become, the more He can fill me and increase my capacity to be His vessel of Divine Love and Mercy.  By surrendering to this, He can mold me into a Christ-bearer, a walking tabernacle giving birth to Christ in the world. 

These meanderings of reflection questions are presented to encourage your own Eucharistic adventures with Our Eucharistic Lord and all the ways that He wants to reveal Himself to you as Bridegroom in the sacrament of the Altar.

In closing, I just found this beautiful poem written by St. Therese that captures some of these very desires.  Here are just a few of the stanzas :

My Desires Near Jesus Hidden in His Prison of Love .

At each daybreak I envy you,
O Sacred Altar Stone! As in the blessed stable,
On you the Eternal One wants to be born ...
Ah! Deign to grant my prayer.
Come into my soul, Sweet Savior ...
Far from being a cold stone,
It is the sigh of your Heart!

O Corporal surrounded by angels!
How enviable is your lot.
On you, as in his humble swaddling clothes,
I see Jesus, my only treasure.
Virgin Mary, change my heart
Into a pure, beautiful Corporal
To receive the white host,
Where your Sweet Lamb hides.

Holy Paten, I envy you.
Upon you Jesus comes to rest.
Oh! may his infinite grandeur
Deign to humble itself even to me ...
Fulfilling my hope, Jesus
Does not wait until the evening of my life.
He comes within me; by his presence
I am a living Monstrance! ...

Oh! how I envy the happy chalice
Where I adore the divine Blood ...
But at the Holy Sacrifice
I can take it in each morning.
To Jesus my soul is dearer
Than precious vessels of gold.
The Altar is a new Calvary
Where his Blood still flows for me ...